[collected Fri Aug 23 09:05:47 2002]
BLONDE JOKES TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
__________________________________
OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you
to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, ! and repeat this
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at
least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's
amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to
drop dead by the third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
______________________
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then
shouts back, "You are on the other side."
___________________
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn
and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
______________
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said
the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"
_____________ !
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you!"
___________
THE VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
_____________________
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares
at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes
her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
____________________
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag
behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.
Signed, The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
$10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note...
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this
to another."
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