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[collected 2002-02-14]

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. They are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the
last one.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A:  July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A:  Every year

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:  Gucci sweats  and Reeboks

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A:  Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:  I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A:  Thirty-eight or  thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A:  Forty-five years

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A:  He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
Q: And why did that upset  you?
A:  My name is Susan

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A:  We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A:  We do.
Q: You do?
A:  Yes, voodoo

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
   doesn't  know about it until the next morning

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A:  Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A:  Yes.
Q: How many were  boys?
A:  None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A:  By death.
Q: And by  whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A:  He was about medium height and  had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
   which I sent to your attorney?
A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to  work

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A:  Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A:  The autopsy  started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A:  No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A:  No.
Q: Did you  check for breathing?
A:  No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient  was alive when you began the autopsy?
A:  No.
Q: How can you be so sure,  Doctor?
A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could  the patient have still been alive, never the less?
A:  Yes, it is possible  that he could have been alive and practicing law
    somewhere .............
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Cogito ergo spud (I think therefore I yam).
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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys