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A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to
play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in,
approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there
and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies
"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Q: What do 4 drum sets sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good idea!

Q: What kind of calender does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: Year-at-a-Glance

Q: What do you call a accordionist with a beeper?
A: An optimist.

Q: What's the least used sentence in the English language?
A: "Look at that mandolin player's Cadillac!"

Q: Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
A: There's no place to hide your drugs.

Q: What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?
A: The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.

So, Kenny G gets on an elevator and says "Wow! This rocks!"

Q: What's the difference between a bari-sax and a chain saw?
A1: Vibrato.
A2: The exhaust.

You may be a redneck saxophonist if...
... you have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.
... you spell it "saxaphone."
... you think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck  
    during a gig.
... the gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buesher sopranos.
... you think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.

Q: How do you make a double bass play in-tune?
A: Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

Q: What's a string quartet?
A: A good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates
   violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.

Q: What's glissando?
A: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Q: What does "subito piano" mean:
A: It indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a
   soloist.

Q: What does "senza sordino" mean:
A: It's a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a
   few measures back.

Q: What's a half step?
A: The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.
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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys