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[collected 2002-01-21 22:17:55 CST (Jan Mon) 1011673075]

  Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire
relationships.
  - Sharon Stone
  I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

  - Axl Rose
  Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and just give her a house.
  - Rod Stewart
  Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.
  - Carmen Boyle, Olympic luge gold medal winner
  There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane.
Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.

  - Henry Kissinger
  I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said,
"Thyroid problem?"
  - Arnold Schwarzenegger
  Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

  - Courteney Cox, as Monica on "Friends"
  Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

  - Tiger Woods
  Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but
he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

  - Barbara Bush
  And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on
me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on
Satan."

  - George Burns
  What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold
my purse."
  - Sandra Bullock
  My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
  - Jack Nicholson
  My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what she's reading.
  - Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
  Things you'll never hear a woman say: "My, what an attractive
scrotum!"
  - Patricia Arquette
  Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet.
  - Robin Williams
  Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
  - Billy Crystal
  According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are
just grateful.

  - Robert De Niro
  In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is
that really a problem in this country - men not paying enough attention
to women's breasts?

  - Hugh Grant
  There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?

  - Dustin Hoffman
  There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I
know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
  - Jerry Seinfield
  See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time.
  - Robin Williams
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Cogito ergo spud (I think therefore I yam).
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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys