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1999-11-15 04:14:33 CST (Nov Mon) 942660873

<< THINGS THE MOVIES TAUGHT US, PART I
 1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
 noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
 2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St
 Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
 3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
level
 on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
 4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
bread.
 5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in
the
 control tower to talk you down.
 6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

 7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No
one
 will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
part
 of the building without difficulty
 8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
 mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
 9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be
 necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
 10.    The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.
 11.    People on TV never finish their drinks.
 12.    A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but
will
 wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
 13.    The chief of police always shouts.
 14.    When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take
out a
 note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact
 fare.
 15.    If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow
by
15cm.
 16.    Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night,
 you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
 17.    During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit
a
strip
 club at least once.
 18.    Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every
 morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat
them.
 19.    Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

 20.    Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man
invulnerable
 to bullets.
 21.    A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
a
 football stadium.
 22.    If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him.
Just
relax
 and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
 23.    Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
 24.    Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at
an
object
 out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this
 technology.
 25.    All single women have a cat.


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