If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
There's no future in time travel.
Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Death is hereditary.
Multi-tasking - screwing up several things at once.
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
A good pun is its own reword.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
To err is human, to moo bovine.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened,
small stain.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow,
maybe."
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.
[collected 2000-09-11 22:08:36 CDT (Sep Mon) 968728116 from ]
Boldly going nowhere
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
JESUS SAVES... He Passes It To Gretzky... Gretzky Shoots... He Scores!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Grow your own dope, plant a man
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
All men are idiots.... I married their king.
Out of my mind... Back in five minutes.
Where there's a will... I want to be in it.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness That annoying time between naps.
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
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