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Erlkönig: Redneck Clues

You know you're a redneck if...
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You know you're a redneck if.....

  • Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
  • Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
  • You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
  • You have a relative living in your garage.
  • Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
  • There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
  • You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
  • None of the tires on your van are the same size.
  • Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
  • Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
  • Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
  • You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
  • Starting your car involves popping the hood.
  • Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
  • You whistle at women in church.
  • You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
  • You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
  • If you've ever fixed a broken coil primary wire on a car with a safety pin off your date's bra strap, and didn't think the date was unusual.
  • If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say Cool Whip on them.
  • If you take the Christmas lights on the front porch down in November, and only long enough to get them working again.
  • You've trimmed trees with a shotgun.
  • Your will states your wife can't touch your money until she's fourteen.
  • Your coffee table is also a cooler.
  • Your mailing address includes the word holler.
  • The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.
  • You've sold a car to settle a bar tab.
  • The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.
  • You've ever used your bathtub as a punch bowl.
  • If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
  • If you have ever used a barstool as a walker.
  • You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys