Erlkönig: Redneck Clues

You know you're a redneck if.....

• Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
• Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
• You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
• You have a relative living in your garage.
• Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
• There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
• You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
• None of the tires on your van are the same size.
• Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
• Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
• Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
• You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
• Starting your car involves popping the hood.
• Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
• You whistle at women in church.
• You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
• You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
• If you've ever fixed a broken coil primary wire on a car with a safety pin off your date's bra strap, and didn't think the date was unusual.
• If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say Cool Whip on them.
• If you take the Christmas lights on the front porch down in November, and only long enough to get them working again.
• You've trimmed trees with a shotgun.
• Your will states your wife can't touch your money until she's fourteen.
• Your coffee table is also a cooler.
• Your mailing address includes the word holler.
• The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.
• You've sold a car to settle a bar tab.
• The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.
• You've ever used your bathtub as a punch bowl.
• If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
• If you have ever used a barstool as a walker.
• You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.