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Subject: new program TROUBLE

Original Message
Name: Joe Screwed
Date: August 13, 1999 at 14:45:57
Subject: new program TROUBLE
| Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
| new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space
| and valuable resources.  No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
| product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
| programs and launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all
| other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys
| Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system
| whenever selected. I can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
| attempting to run some of my other favourite applications. I am thinking
| about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this
| program. Can you help me, please? Otherwise, I'm screwed.
| Thanks, Joe

Response Number 1
Name: Techie
Date: August 13, 1999 at 14:53:08
Subject: new program TROUBLE
| Dear Joe,
| This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a
| primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
| with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"
| program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
| everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
| convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system
| would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
| impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the
| system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
| 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
| or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.  Look
| in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony /Child Support."
| I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife
| 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section
| regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all
| responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of
| their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command
| C:\APOLOGISE. In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because
| ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating
| system will return to normal. The system will run smooth as long as you
| take the blame for all the GPFs.
| Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying
| addition software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend
| Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install
| Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for
| Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating
| system.
| Best of luck, Techie
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