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*** EOOH ***
Date: Wed, 12 May 93 4:30:11 EDT
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: BRYANS@ups.edu ( BRYAN SMITH)
Subject: WifeSpeak Translated
Keywords: chuckle, heard it

[This was circulating at my wife's company.]

"The Modern Man's Guide to Understanding His Wife" 

     ---------                  ------- ----------
* You want		<==>	You want
* We need		<==>    I want
* It's your decision	<==>    The right decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want	<==>	You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk	<==>	I need to complain
* Sure,... go ahead	<==>	I don't want you to
* I'm hungry		<==>	(a) Make me something to eat
				(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
				    your last $$, and go drive across town
				    and get me something to eat. ... I don't 
				    care if what you are doing is important.
* I'm not upset		<==>    Of course I'm upset, you moron
* You're,... so manly	<==>	You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly 	<==>	Is sex all you ever think about?
  attentive tonight
* I'm not emotional! 	<==>	I'm having my period
  And I'm not over-
* Be romantic, turn	<==>	I have flabby thighs
  out the lights.
* This kitchen is so	<==> 	I want a new house
* The car is empty	<==>	Go fill it up
* The trash is full	<==>	Take it out
* The dog is barking	<==>	Go outside in your underwear and see what is
* I want new curtains	<==>	and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
* I need wedding shoes	<==>	the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture      <==>	NO! I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise	<==>	I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me?	<==>	I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love	<==>	I did something today you're really not going
  me?				to like

In answer to "What's Wrong?"

* Nothing		<==>	Everything
* Everything		<==>	My PMS is acting up
* Nothing, really	<==>	It's just that you're such an asshole
* I don't want to talk  <==>	Go away, I'm still building up steam.
  about it

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