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Mail-from: From mrizzo@osipo01 Wed Oct 4 14:33:32 1995
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From: "Rizzo, Mark"
To: "North-Keys, Alex"
Subject: FW: If Operating Systems were beers... (FWD)
Date: Wed, 04 Oct 95 14:32:00 PDT
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From: "Rizzo, Mark"
To: "North-Keys, Alex"
Subject: FW: If Operating Systems were beers... (FWD)
Date: Wed, 04 Oct 95 14:32:00 PDT
Encoding: 141 TEXT
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H ha ha hahahah hah a!! TOO funny !!
__________________________________________________________________________
_____
Another variation on an old theme...
>.....
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into
8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon
to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking
it
after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list
is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told
that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag
your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows
you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can
only
drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking
the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a
can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking
OS/2
Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that
9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim
it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more
like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside,
the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say
they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has
some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises
to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows
95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own
can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a
complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer
for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been
picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an
import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS
Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came
in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was
originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the
design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now.
Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV
anyway.
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping.
However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely
un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development
environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients,
you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the
manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in
the
Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to
have
actually seen it.
.
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