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I want to lick the bowl clean / keeps moving on tile floor
I want chocolate / chocolate will kill me
I want him to throw the ball / but I don't want to let go of it
I have to pee / but it's raining outside
Want favorite toy / but have other favorite toy in mouth
Love master unconditionally / get neutered and die a virgin
Love being carried / terrified of heights
Cat steals my food / owner thinks I'm overfed
Originally bred for royalty / now the face of first world dog problems
Only I can hear the whistle / and that sound drives me crazy
Popped my squeaky toy / there goes my afternoon
Water bowl all the way in the kitchen / drink out of toilet
Ate my poop so master wouldn't get mad / got scolded anyway
Cat craps in sandbox / sand gets stuck between teeth
Family goes on exotic vacation / I go to kennel
Siblings bring home candy from trick-or-treating / I can't eat any or I'll die
Every time you look at me / you feel guilty   [certain kinds of dog]
Owner didn't celebrate my birthday / I have no idea what a birthday is
See a squirrel in a lawn / can't chase because of leash
I keep chasing that tail / I never get it
Car ride! / to the vet
Tried to protect family from ironing board / sent to my cage
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Klein bottle for rent; inquire within.
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