A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING . . .
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure . . . go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new
wallpaper . . .
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes
to
sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling. this is important!
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the Cosmetics Department, the shoe department, I need to look at
a
few new pocketbooks, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the
bedroom. You did bring your checkbook. . . didn't you???
- - - - - -
A WOMAN'S ANSWER TO "WHAT'S WRONG?"
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = I have PMS!
Nothing, really. = It's just that you're such an ***hole
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
- - - - - -
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING......
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.
"I'm tired." = I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Would you like to dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
"I'm sorry" = I really don't know what I did wrong but I hope this helps so
we
can have sex
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are
you
going through now?
"You look upset" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you." = Let's have sex right now.
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...now let's have sex right now!
"Yes, I love your new hairstyle." = I liked it better before.
"Yes, your haircut looks good." = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys.
"I like the first dress you tried on better." = Pick any dress and let's go!
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