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Air Traffic Control Humor


The controller, working a busy pattern, told the 727 on downwind
to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide
spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two
thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me
four thousand dollars worth!"


Unknown Aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!".

Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself

Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"


Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
124.7." (124.7 would be the radio frequency for Departure Control).

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the
way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the
far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Roger;
and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."


O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got
that Fokker in my sights."


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-
tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
location but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear
of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten Morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed
to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment Ground, I'm looking up our gate
location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you
never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speed 206 (coolly): "Yes I have, Ground - in 1944. In another
type of Boeing.... But I didn't stop."
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