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Subject: Warning Labels

To my alcohol-consuming buddies.... 

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers 
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be 
placed immediately on all beer containers: 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when 
you are not. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story 
over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!! 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are 
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell 
happened to your pants. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse 
with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu 
powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and 
see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable 
rug burns on the forehead. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, 
smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing 
WITH you. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space 
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to 
literally disappear. 

WARNING: 
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. 


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