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What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't
know how to drive, because people   don't buy cars like they buy
computers.............but imagine if they did...


HELPLINE:   "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:   "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE:   "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER:   "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE:   "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
             and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER:   "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
             all of these technical terms just to use my car?"


HELPLINE:   "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:   "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE:   "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER:   "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE:   "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,
             and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER:   "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE:   "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
             purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself,
             or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER:   "What!?" I paid $40,000 for this car!  Now you tell me that
             I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that
             comes with everything built in!"


HELPLINE:   "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:   "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE:   "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER:   "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE:   "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER:   "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
             the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it
             crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE:   "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do
             you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER:   "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
             crash anymore!"


HELPLINE:   "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:   "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
             it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
             power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE:   "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER:   "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE:   "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER:   "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE:   "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER:   "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"
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