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First installment archived: Jul  9  1997
Second installment: 1999-09-11 02:15:44 CDT

                Church bulletins

These are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins.
1.      Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
2.      Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.
3.      Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4.      For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
 nursery
downstairs.
5.      The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
 David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6.      This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
 the
church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.
7.      Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
 giving
milk will please come early.
8.      Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet.  Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put
 me in
my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9.      Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
 Club.
 All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his
study.
10.     This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
 lay
an egg on the altar.
11.     The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."  One of the
 ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will  join in.
12.     Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
 the
new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come
forward and do so.
13.     The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14.     A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
15.     At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
 Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16.     The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir
 will
sing, "Break Forth With Joy."
17.     Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m.
Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
18.     During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
19.     The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
20.     The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the
 Rev.
Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him.  After the service we request that
all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
21.     The 'eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.
22.     Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
23.     8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
24.     Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
25.     The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
26.     Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is
 preparing
for the girth of their first child.
27.     Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
 recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
28.     The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM.  Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a  nominal feel.
29.     The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
 slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours."

------------------------------------Second installment:

   Bertha Belch, a missionary  from Africa will be speaking tonight at
   Calvary Memorial Church  in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha =
Belch
   all the way from  Africa.

   PRAYER & FASTING Conference.
  "The cost for  attending the Fasting and Prayer conference
   includes  meals".

   Our youth basketball team is back in action  Wednesday at 8 p.m. in =
the
   recreation hall. Come out and watch  us kill Christ the King.

   Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not  pass this way again" giving =
obvious
  pleasure to the  congregation.

   "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of
   those things not worth keeping  around the house. Don't forget your
   husbands".

  Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.  Bring
   your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone  come for a
   fun time.

   Smile at someone  who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who =
doesn't
   care much  about you.

   The peacemaking meeting scheduled for  today has been cancelled due =
to
   a conflict.

   The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water'. The  sermon
   tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.

   Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need  all the
   help they can get.

   Barbara  remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests  =
tapes
   of Pastor Jack's sermons.

   The  "Over 60's Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with thanks

   The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on =
people
   who are afflicted with any church.

   The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation =
would
   lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

   Remember in prayer  those who are sick of our church and community.

   Next  Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The
    pastor will then speak on "It's a terrible  experience".
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Walk without rhythm and you won't attract the worm.
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