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Here's some more Darwin award nominees for your consideration:

THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon the remains of that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to
remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.  Last year's winner
was the fellow who was killed when he attached a JATO (Jet  Assisted Take
Off) unit to his Chevy Impala and promptly shot himself at 300 mph into the
side of a desert cliff.

And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge,
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in
the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.

The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the
plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal--to hop over, and then
assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a
30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself
over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly
halted by a large branch which snagged him by his shorts.

Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a
group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John
removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without
his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his
rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall
with him and landed three inches into his left thigh.

Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw
him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds
less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the
pickup truck. This is when things went from bad to worse.

In his drunken state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the
gas, and crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend.  Sal
was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died
at the scene.

Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100
feet from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with
numerous scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and
a pair of shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.


Pillsbury Dough Boy Wanted for Attempted Murder. [AP, Arkansas] A woman
named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while
there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in
it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping.

When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands
still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange,
so Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?"

The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains
in." Linda didn't know what to do; so she ran into the store where store
officials called the paramedics. They had to break into the car because the
door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread
dough on the back of her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit
canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud
explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached
back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
She passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!
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