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Medical science has determined that attitude influences susceptibility to
disease, especially infection by bacterial agents. People who, by their
nature, are cheerful and upbeat are less prone to illness than are those
who are consistently grumpy malcontents.  Thus, the surly bird gets the
germ.

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From: TtonyY 

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender
says, "All right, I'll let ya stay -- but don't start nuthin."

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

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From: Stan Kegel 

A friend and I were standing inside a building of a local theme park.
We were looking outside, and it was an extremely windy day. The area's
custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a small
woman (4'10", 90lbs) and she was having a rough time trying to not be
blown away.

My friend joked with the lady, telling her that she would have to put
heavy rocks in her shoes when she went outside to work. The lady looked
at my friend and lisped, "You mean, now I weigh me down to sweep?"
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Klein bottle for rent; inquire within.
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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys