HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY or HOW TO ANNOY OTHERS:
1. Page yourself over the intercom (don't disguise your voice).
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always
wear them one day after your boss does (this is especially effective if
your boss is of the opposite gender).
3. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For
example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
4. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
5. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
6. Insist that your e-mail address be: 'zena_goddess_of_fire@asab.fdl.cc.mn.us'
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
8. Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
9. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
10. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
11. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
12. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
13. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the
break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub
your stomach, and say, " You've got to be faster than that."
14. Put decaf coffee in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
15. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
16. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's wipers
running during all weather conditions to "keep 'em tuned up."
17. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
18. Practice making fax and modem noises.
19. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to
your boss.
20. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
21. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the
entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
22. Don't use any punctuation
23. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
24. Ask people what sex they are.
25. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
26. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing
cars to see if they slow down.
27. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
28. Stomp plastic ketchup packets.
29. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
30. Honk and wave at strangers.
31. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, then eat the complimentary mints by
the cash register.
32. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
33. type only in lower case.
34. Look off into the distance while someone is talking to you and interrupt
them every 15 seconds while saying "What? Never mind. It's gone now."
35. Sing along at the opera.
36. Go to poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
37. Five days in advance tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
38. And, the final way to annoy people: send this e-mail to everyone in your
address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them
stuff like this.
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