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   Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a 
   London hotel's staff and one of its guests.  The London hotel 
   involved submitted this to the Sunday Times.  No name was mentioned.


      WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING

   Dear Maid,
   Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my 
   bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove 
   the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest 
   and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way. Thank 
   you,
                                            S. Berman


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Room 635,
   I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, 
   from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap 
   dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your 
   way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should 
   change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my 
   instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.
   I hope this is satisfactory.
                                            Kathy, Relief Maid


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.
   Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the 
   little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found 
   you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. 
   I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my 
   own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on 
   the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. 
   Please remove them.
                                            S. Berman


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mr. Berman,
   My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which 
   we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were 
   in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your 
   Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your 
   convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are 
   always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and 
   which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please 
   let me know if I can of further assistance.
                                            Your regular maid,
                                            Dotty


----------------------------------------------------------------------


   Dear Mr. Berman,
   The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you 
   called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid 
   service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will 
   accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any 
   future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal 
   attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  Thank you.
                                            Elaine Carmen
                                            Housekeeper


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Miss Carmen,
   It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for 
   business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM.  That's the 
   reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty. 
   I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little 
   bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a 
   new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my 
   medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the 
   bath-room shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little 
   bars of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?
                                            S. Berman


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mr. Berman,
   Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your 
   room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, 
   please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  Thank you,
                                            Elaine Carmen,
                                            Housekeeper


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mr. Kensedder,
   My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my 
   room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and 
   had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
                                            S. Berman


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mr. Berman,
   I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. 
   I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our 
   maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a 
   room. The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my 
   apologies for the inconvenience.
                                    Martin L. Kensedder
                                            Assistant Manager


----------------------------------------------------------------------


   Dear Mrs. Carmen,
   Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last 
   night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars 
   of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize 
   I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial. 
   Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
                                            S. Berman


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mr. Berman,
   You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. 
   Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing 
   so I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken 
   and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic).  I don't 
   know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, 
   Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 
   Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea 
   this hotel issues bath-size Dial.  I was able to locate some 
   bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
                                            Elaine Carmen
                                            Housekeeper


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   Dear Mrs. Carmen,
   Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap 
   inventory.

   As of today I possess:

   - On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of
     4 and 1 stack of 2.
   - On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
     stack of 3.
   - On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1
     stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
   - Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
     stack of 2.
   - In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
   - On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. 
   - On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

   Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks 
   are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of 
   more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom 
   window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future 
   soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of 
   bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to 
   avoid further misunderstandings.
                                           S. Berman


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