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U.T. Austin: 50,000--One to change it and 49,999  to figure out which
item it is on their tuiton and fees bill

St. Edward's University: 20--One to change it and 19 to hold a class
discussion on it's implications on Hispanic issues

S. M. U.:  Two--one to call the electrician and one to call daddy to
pay the bill

Princeton: Two--one to mix the martinis and one to call the

Baylor:  Eleven--one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the

U. T. Brownsville:  None--Brownsville doesn't have electricity

Rice:  Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the

Penn State:  Only one, but he gets six credits for it

Columbia:  Seventy-six-- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest
the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter

Yale:  None--New Haven looks better in the dark

Harvard:  One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

MIT:  Five--one to design a nuclear powered one that never needs
changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that
nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer
program that controls the wall switch

Vassar:  Eleven--one to screw it and ten to support its sexual

Middlebury:  Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the
perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion

Stanford:  One, duh

Blinn Jr. College:  Three--one to change it and two to figure out how
to get high off the old one

Holy Cross:  Ten--one to change it, one back up if the first guy's too
drunk and the other eight to pray that it works

Georgetown:  Four--one to change it, one to call Congress about their
progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students

Duke:  A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the
bulb out of the socket

Sarah Lawrence:  Five--one to change the bulb and four to do an
interpretive dance about it

D. P. S. Academy:  Eight--it's not that one isn't smart enough to do
it,  it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much

Boston College:  Four--one to change the bulb and two to check his
math homework

Southwest Texas State:  None--they were all too drunk to notice the
light went out

Virginia:  Thirteen--Ten to form student committee to vote on whether
changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change
the bulb, one to hold the keg he's standing on, and another to
attribute electricity to Mr. Jefferson.

Texas A. & M.:  Seven--one to change the light bulb and six to throw a
party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time

University of Texas System Police Academy:  One--but you would never
know about it because only D. P. S. and Austin P. D. get press for
changing their lightbulbs

Houston-Tillison - NONE - the administrators have to do it because
none of the students could pass TASP

University of Texas System Administration:   NONE! - This requires at
least 5 specially trained physical plant employees and at LEAST 3 days
for the crew to arrive.  One electrician to climb the ladder and
determine the "proper" bulb; One electrician's helper to hold the
ladder; One helper to go get the bulb; one to perform the delicate
operation of extracting and replacing the bulb; and as this is a work
crew of 4, it requires a supervisor for the detail.  (Don't laugh! it
took 3 days and the above crew to change the bulb above my desk!!!)
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