[slashdot post by Anonymous Coward, 2000-01-10, 20:15 EST]
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue
the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.
To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.
That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.
The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general,
the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically
inferior.
I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the
intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier,
or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness,
but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way,
the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of
the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it
neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 USA, along with a 3x5 card reading,
"Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2
pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the
weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover
the True Champion.
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