"The Top 12 New Year's Resolutions Made by Dogs"
12. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus,
and I am from Mars.
10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the
can opener.
9. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried
competition in major dog shows.
8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-
wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell
the behinds.
6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on
'roids, or they'll flush my butt.
5. Always scoot before licking.
4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide
for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-
clockwise this year.
2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31st: Re-live victory over
the sock.
1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it
LEAVE HIS HAND.
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