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     EU Announcement:

     The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English
     will be the official language of the EU -rather than German which was
     originally proposed.  As part of the negotiations, her Majesty's
     Government conceded that the  English spelling of words had some room
     for improvement, and therefore has accepted a 5-year phase-in of new
     rules which would apply to the language.  The new language will be
     renamed "EuroEnglish".

     The agreed plan is as follows:

     YEAR 1:

     The soft "c" will be replaced by the letter "s". Sertainly, this will
     make the sevil servants jump with joy.  The hard "c" will be replaced
     by the letter "k".  This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
     now have one less letter.

     YEAR 2:

     There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
     troublesome "ph" is replaced by "f".  This will reduse the spelling of
     "fotograf" by 20%.

     YEAR 3:

     In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
     to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
     Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
     always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the
     horible mes of the silent ":e's" in the language is disgrasful and
     they should eliminat them.

     YEAR 4:

     By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as
     replasing "th" with "z and "w" with "v" (saving mor keyboard spas).

     YEAR 5:

     During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords
     kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be applid to ozer
     kombinations of leters.

     After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl.  Zer vil
     be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to
     understand ech ozer.

     ZE DRM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!

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alexsiodhe, christopher north-keys, christopher alex north-keys