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Date: Wed, 11 Oct 1995 17:14:36 -0500 (CDT)
From: Rob Mayoff <>
To: Chat List <>
Subject: Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. (fwd)
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RING ...
RING ...
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
    Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
    tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
    No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that
    the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about
    to bite off your ear.

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