Subject: Mind Your Quotes Part II [collected 2001-01-22]
"I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally
ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23
percent who are apparently doing quite well for >
themselves."
-- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter
how bad it is."
-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what
an attractive scrotum!'"
-- Patricia Arquette
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men
can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that,
you're in."
-- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for
black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like
black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods
(On going to war over religion)
"You're basically killing each other to see
who's got the better imaginary friend."
--Yasir Arrafat (PLO leader)
(On the difference between men and women:)
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On
the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
--Bruce Willis
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people, don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people,
don't blame everything on Satan."
-- George Burns
"The Web brings people together because no matter what
kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've
got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have
sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask,
'Specify type of goat.'"
-- Jason Alexander (George Castanza on Seinfeld)
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die."
-- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious
to meet people who do."
-- Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what
she's reading."
-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a
bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
-- Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
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