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Subject: Mind Your Quotes Part II  [collected 2001-01-22]

"I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally 
 ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 
 percent who are apparently doing quite well for > 
 -- Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead) 

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or 
 where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter 
 how bad it is." 
 -- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) 

"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what 
 an attractive scrotum!'" 
 -- Patricia Arquette 

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men 
 can fake whole relationships." 
 -- Sharon Stone 

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, 
 you're in." 
 -- Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends") 

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for 
 black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like 
 black pimps." 
 -- Tiger Woods 

 (On going to war over religion) 
"You're basically killing each other to see 
 who's got the better imaginary friend." 
 --Yasir Arrafat (PLO leader) 

 (On the difference between men and women:) 
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On 
 the other hand, we can open all our own jars." 
 --Bruce Willis 

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people, don't blame 
 everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people, 
 don't blame everything on Satan." 
 -- George Burns 

"The Web brings people together because no matter what 
 kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've 
 got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have 
 sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 
 'Specify type of goat.'" 
 -- Jason Alexander (George Castanza on Seinfeld) 

"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." 
 -- Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996) 

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an 
 airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious 
 to meet people who do." 
 -- Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State) 

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what 
 she's reading." 
 -- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers) 

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a 
 bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." 
 -- Dan Rather (News anchorman) 

"I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. 
 I said,  'Thyroid problem?" 
 -- Arnold Schwarzenegger 

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