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One misty Scottish morning a man was driving through the hills to
Inverness.  Suddenly out of the mist, a huge red-haired highlander steps
into the middle of the road.  The man is about six foot three and like a
walking wardrobe. He has a huge red beard and despite the wind, mist and
near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt and a tweed shirt.
At the roadside there also stands a young women.  She is absolutely
beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion... heart stopping.

The car driver's attention is dragged from the girl when the highlander
opens his car door and drags him from the seat onto the road.
"Right, you," he shouts, "I want you to masturbate!"
"But..." stammers the driver,
"Now... or I'll bloody kill you!"

So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts
to masturbate.  Thinking of the girl on the roadside this only takes a
few seconds.
"Right" says the highlander, "Do it again!"
"But..." says the driver.
So the driver does it again.

"Right. Do it again." demands the highlander.  This goes on for nearly
two hours.  The driver has cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw,
and despite the mist and wind, has collapsed in a sweating jibbering heap
on the ground, unable to walk.
"Do it again" says the highlander.
"I just can't anymore -- you'll just have to kill me," whimpers the

The highlander looks down at the pathetic heap slumped on the roadside.
"Alright," he says, "NOW you can give my daughter a lift to Inverness".

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Walk without rhythm and you won't attract the worm.
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alexsiodhe, alex north-keys