Source: http://www.livejournal.com/users/cassieclaire
2003-03-21 12:31:26 CST (Mar Fri) 1048271486
Day One
Dirty weekend with Elrond turned sour when I told him purple was not
his color.
Day Five
Have been marched against by last alliance of men and nancing
elves. Is transparent attempt by Elrond to get back at me for comment
about purple. I will not take it back! I told him purple made him look
like an eggplant, and it does. Is no need for him to get so shirty
about it.
Day Six
Is not that being defeated by last alliance is so bad, is not even
that being reduced to a disembodied eyeball is so bad, although Visine
would be a comfort. But whose bright idea was it to slice onions in
here?
-later-
Blast those orcs and their fondness for onion dip. Have taken their
disco ball away. God, it's fun to be evil.
Day Three Million Five
Am bored. Have been waiting for Middle-Earthlink guy to come and
install DSL in Barad-Dur since second-age. Will use palantir as
alternative to personal ads, as am lonely.
Day Three Million Seven
I spy with my big-huge-nasty-flaming eye...something resembling a
novelty dashboard ornament. Witch King of Angmar tells me it's a
hobbit. Is rather cute. On the smallish side, but I'm hardly one to talk
appearances these days.
Day Three Million Nine
ARGH! That tiny bloke has MY RING!
later..
Have sent the nine to fetch ring back. If nine succeeds in sorting
their elbows from asshats, that is.
Day Three Million Eleven
Have met v. nice bloke over the palantir. An older gent, seems to have
copied hairstyle from Galadriel, but no matter. He likes me for
me. Finally someone to see past the eyeball. Will send him packet of
glittery barrettes.
Day Three Million Thirteen
Tried to ask Saruman over for dinner, but lost nerve at last moment
and said some idiotic thing about building an army instead. Is somewhat
amusing watching him play violin for orcs and goblin men in attempt to
spark romance, so will not clear up confusion just yet.
Day Three Million Sixteen
Wonder if Saruman becoming somewhat deaf? Told him I was hoping we
could delineate boundaries of relationship, instead he defoliated
Isengard.
Day Three Million Twenty
Some bearded tart with pointy hat trying to horn in on my
action. Hmmm. Ex-boyfriend?
Think Saruman may have put him in guest bedroom. Will have to ask
S. to clarify.
Day Three Million Twenty-One
Elrond having another of his disastrous parties. Why was not invited?
Just because have no body and cannot play twister with Legolas is no
reason to snub me.
Day Three Million Twenty-Two
Have been watching Fellowship through palantir. Ringbearer really
v. pretty, I must admit, with big soulful eyes and little hairy
feet. What I wouldn't give for a body and a shower-cap right
now. Although bath-obsessed hobbit companion would probably kill me if I
tried anything.
Day Three Million Twenty-Three
Bored bored bored, so caught up on palantir-watching today. Lovely
place, Moria, used to vacation there. Pointy-hatted ex-bf seemed nervous;
sent word to Bob to keep an eye out. I mean a look out. I mean... oh
bugger.
Day Three Million Twenty-Four
No word back from Bob. Suspect he is moping. Never could sort out his
love life. Always whining and writing in his journal. Bloody sensitive
demon types, no use at all.
Day Three Million Twenty-Five
Pointy hatted ex fell into shadow. Down with the competition!
Ringbearer moping. Suspect Aragorn son of Arathorn might like to have a
go at cheering him up. Apparently something of a pervy hobbit-fancier. So
that?s why the blood of Numenor died out.
Day Three Million Twenty-Six
Fellowship in Lothlorien. Oh god, Galadriel Galadriel Galadriel. It's
always about HER. Paint my toenails, Sauron. Don't touch my hair,
Sauron. I want a pretty ring, Sauron. Then she goes off with slabbish oaf
Celeborn. Bet HE cannot forge twenty rings of Power.
Suspect bitch-slap fight brewing between Galadriel and Legolas as to
which of them can nance around better while holding water pitcher. Cannot
help but roll my eye over this. Time to toss some Jiffy Pop into Mount
Doom and watch the fireworks.
later
Well, would you look at that dwarf getting it on with Celeborn. I tell
you, three Million years on Middle-Earth and some things still surprise
me.
Day Three Million Twenty-Nine
Finally some decent fighting. Orcs killed : four hundred,
v. bad. Humans killed : one. Go Uruk-Hai!
Is it just me, or is Aragorn son of Arathorn kinda gay?
Maybe is just me.
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