(*) In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters."
(*) On the menu of a restaurant: "Blackened Bluefish."
(*) In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."
(*) In a New Jersey restaurant: "Open 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. midnight."
(*) On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the
law. -- Sisters of Mercy."
(*) On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
(*) In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."
(*) In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center."
(*) On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church."
(*) In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
(*) In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
(*) Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
(*) In a Tacoma, Washington, men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits- $100- They won't last an hour!"
(*) In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
"Parking for birds only."
(*) In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual
light is extinguished."
(*) In a laundry room:
"Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause
irreparable damage."
(*) A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'hare Field in Chicago
"Do not activate with wet hands."
(*) In a New Hampshire Jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."
(*) Disclaimer at the end of a London, Ontario newspaper ad
announcing job openings for firefighters:
"The City of London is an equal opportunity employer. We also
provide all of our employees with a smoke-free work place."
(*) In a New York Restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
(*) A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin: "Crap - .79/lb."
(*) In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."
(*) In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
(*) At a number of U.S. military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personel."
(*) On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards:
"Now available in multi packs."
(*) In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
(*) In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves"
(*) On the grounds of a private school: "No trespassing without permission."
(*) In a library:
"Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public
stops taking it away."
(*) On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
(*) In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."
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