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(*)  In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: "Now serving live lobsters."

(*)  On the menu of a restaurant: "Blackened Bluefish."

(*)  In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

(*)  In a New Jersey restaurant:  "Open 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. midnight."

(*)  On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
     "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the
      law. -- Sisters of Mercy."

(*)  On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
     "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."

(*)  In a New York drugstore:  "We dispense with accuracy."

(*)  In a New York medical building:  "Mental health prevention center."

(*)  On a New York convalescent home:
     "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church."

(*)  In a funeral parlor:  "Ask about our layaway plan."

(*)  In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

(*)  Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

(*)  In a Tacoma, Washington, men's clothing store:
     "15 men's wool suits- $100- They won't last an hour!"

(*)  In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
     "Parking for birds only."

(*)  In the vestry of a New England church:
     "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual
      light is extinguished."

(*)  In a laundry room:
     "Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause
      irreparable damage."

(*)  A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'hare Field in Chicago
     "Do not activate with wet hands."

(*)  In a New Hampshire Jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."

(*)  Disclaimer at the end of a London, Ontario newspaper ad
     announcing job openings for firefighters:
     "The City of London is an equal opportunity employer.  We also
      provide all of our employees with a smoke-free work place."

(*)  In a New York Restaurant:
     "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

(*)  A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin:   "Crap - .79/lb."

(*)  In a Florida maternity ward:  "No children allowed."

(*)  In the offices of a loan company:
     "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

(*)  At a number of U.S. military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personel."

(*)  On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards:
     "Now available in multi packs."

(*)  In the window of an Oregon general store:
     "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

(*)  In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
    "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves"

(*)  On the  grounds of a private school:  "No trespassing without permission."

(*)  In a library:
     "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public
      stops taking it away."

(*)  On a Tennessee highway:
     "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

(*)  In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
     "If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."
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