A list of nevers:
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and
heavier. -Anonymous
Never accept a drink from a urologist. -Erma Bombeck
Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother
to hear at your trial. -Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"
Never say "Oops" in the operating room. - Dr. Leo Troy
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or
"size" with "rear end". Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
-Tim Allen
Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying
for the job of umpire. -Dan Zevin
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -Harry S. Truman
Never thrust your sickle into another's corn. -Publius Syrus
Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local
sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap. -Anonymous member
of a chain gang
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys
them very much. -G.K. Chesterton
Never use while sleeping. -Instruction on Conair hair dryer
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end
to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's
always gonna be me!" -Rita Rudner
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. -Woodrow Wilson
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in
the room. -Winston Churchill
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. -John Peers
Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. -Geraldo
Rivera
Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
-Ruth Gordon
Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. -American
adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.
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