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A list of nevers:

  Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and
  heavier.     -Anonymous

  Never accept a drink from a urologist. -Erma Bombeck

  Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother
  to hear at your trial. -Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

  Never say "Oops" in the operating room. - Dr. Leo Troy

  Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or
  "size" with "rear end". Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
     -Tim Allen

  Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying
  for the job of umpire. -Dan Zevin

  Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. -Harry S. Truman

  Never thrust your sickle into another's corn. -Publius Syrus

  Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local
  sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap. -Anonymous member
  of a chain gang

  Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys
  them very much. -G.K. Chesterton

  Never use while sleeping. -Instruction on Conair hair dryer

  Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end
  to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's
  always gonna be me!" -Rita Rudner

  Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide. -Woodrow Wilson

  Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in
  the room. -Winston Churchill

  Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. -John Peers

  Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants. -Geraldo

  Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
  -Ruth Gordon

  Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel. -American
  adage about antagonizing newspaper editors.

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